Mom self care should be at the top of your list. I know it might sound a little selfish, and we don’t like to do it that much because our families need us too, but you can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. You need to take the time to recharge, reboot, and refill your own cup so you have more to pour for the people you love.
Did you know that about 9.8 million working moms in the US suffer from burnout? This is mostly because we keep going and going nonstop. As much as we are the little engines that could, even top-performing engines need maintenance from time to time; otherwise, they’ll seize up and stop working altogether.
That’s why mom self care is absolutely important and necessary. Now the question is, how do you do it effectively? And if I know you guys well, and I like to think I do, the answer would be, efficiently!
Mom Self Care Tips
Now, let’s be honest with one another for a second; the tips I’m going to give you here are things that would and have worked for me in the past and still do. The thing is, they are things that work for me. Of course, many work for the majority of moms out there, and as such, it’s reasonable to assume that they would work for you, too.
However, to really get the most out of mom self care, you need to find something that speaks to you specifically.
I’m talking about the kind of thing that reaches deep down inside and touches your soul. Whatever that is, it’s what makes you happy, and you should strive to do more of it.
I know, I know, many moms have spent so much of their lives giving themselves to their loved ones and their careers that they actually don’t know what it is that makes them truly happy. Don’t worry, I have a little questionnaire that should help narrow things down:
- What makes you genuinely smile? No, not your kids or your partner!
- What do you find yourself fantasizing about when you are tired to the bone?
- What’s that one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing?
- If you had all the money and the time in the world, what would be the first thing you do?
If you let yourself answer these questions genuinely, you will find that the things that you’ve always known are the things that make you truly happy. You’ve just learned to suppress that knowledge to accommodate others.
Don’t worry if the answers to these questions are varied and quite different from one another; that’s good! It means that you have more options when it comes to mom self care ideas.
I’ll let you think about this for a second. Take your time. Make a list, write it all down, and start checking them off that list one by one.
With that out of the way, here are the more conventional mom self care tips you can try out as you slowly figure that list out and set up your own self care routine.
Get Help
Let me let you guys in on a little secret: my family and I have a chore list, and we follow it as much as possible. However, I am not above asking for or even hiring some help.
I know I have spoken here before about hiring a nanny or babysitter for when you can’t be around or when you and your partner need to reconnect. The truth is, I hire help from time to time so that I can take a day off for myself.
It’s okay to get help. It doesn’t make you a bad or lazy mom; it makes you a smart one. Provided the family finances allow for it, get as much help as you can. That way, all those chores won’t feel as exhausting.
Meditate
I know there are many different opinions about how effective meditation is, whether or not people are doing it right, and all that. All I can say on the subject matter is this:
“The soul already knows what it needs to heal; the trick is in silencing the mind!”
That’s one of my favorite quotes. I have no idea who it’s by, but it simply speaks to me. Your soul already knows what it needs to heal, but your mind won’t let it. If you are anything like me, you are always thinking of a million things at the same time. All that mental noise can be exhausting.
You need to find a way to quiet it all down for at least 10 to 30 minutes a day. It will do wonders for your reset.
That’s where meditation comes into play for me. Research shows that meditation through mindfulness-based therapy (focusing on the present moment) can reduce stress, depression, and anxiety.
Every day, no matter what I am doing, I take 10 to 30 minutes to just sit there and empty my mind.
I find that this helps me find my center. You might want to give it a try, too.
Have Regular Date Nights
Believe it or not, this isn’t just meant to put the romance back into your lives; it’s also meant to give you some time to recollect and reconnect with yourself. These regular date nights can be with your partner, by yourself, or with your friends.
What I like to do is mix them up. At least twice a month, it’s my partner and me; at least once, it’s just me, like when I go to the spa, on a mini shopping spree, or just out for coffee and a few drinks by myself.
Watch Your Favorite Comedy Series
This is something I have come to truly appreciate. You don’t even have to binge-watch anything; all you have to do is watch an episode or two during your off time. For a comedy show like Friends, an episode takes about 20 to 30 minutes. That’s enough time for you to have laughed whatever stress you have away. If not, watch one more episode or a funny movie you like.
While too much screen time isn’t good for your brain, a little bit is fine for battling stress.
Take a Long Bath
This is one of those things that seems like an everyday thing, but it can really change the entire mood of the day. Let’s say, for example, that you decided not to hire any help and did everything yourself. At the end of the day, or just before you get started with dinner, take the time to take a nice, long, hot bath.
Use everything you like, from scented candles to the right kind of bubbles in your bath. Don’t limit your time. Just sit and soak in that bath until you feel like the stress has washed away enough for you to take on the household again.
Set Firm Boundaries
This is yet another one of those things that sounds like selfishness, but for a busy mom, it is absolutely necessary. You need to learn when to say no or when to cut back on some of the giving. This involves:
- Canceling plans that you simply don’t have the energy to attend or tolerate
- Saying no to work meetings that eat into your personal time
- Farming out some of that housework to your kids or the nanny
What I have found to work is that you can set aside a specific time, say Saturday or Sunday afternoon, as your “no mommy this, mommy that hour.” Let everyone in the house know that between 1 PM and 3 PM,you are not to be disturbed. This goes even for when you are just in the house. It is your recollection and recentering time.
Get Enough Sleep
We all know that motherhood and lack of sleep are no strangers. But as your kids get older and the stresses of taking care of them diminish some, you can slowly begin to catch up on sleep again.
Sleep is definitely something you need to prioritize. Getting enough sleep on a consistent schedule is highly underrated. As part of your boundaries, you need to block out at least six solid hours of sleep. The ideal number would be eight, but that can be a bit of a tall order for most of us.
Getting enough sleep calls for a specific schedule. What I do is set up a specific nighttime routine that not only gets my body but also my mind into the groove. Here’s what it includes:
- Avoiding screens at least 30 minutes before bed
- No heavy-duty house chores right before bed
- Taking a bath (another one)
- Reading a book
- Drinking some tea
- Catching up with my partner
- Going over most of what I am grateful for in my life
That last bit—going over what you are grateful for in your life—is another form of mom self care. You need to constantly remind yourself about how far you’ve come and all that you have achieved as a mom. This alone can give you some positivity and relieve some of your anxiety or guilt when you are feeling as though you aren’t doing a good enough job.
Involve the Kids
This is the silver bullet to that feeling of selfishness that might eat at you. I should tell you, though, that involving your kids in your self-care routine might not feel like you are really prioritizing yourself, but it can.
The trick is to pair it with something you really love doing and something that you can pass off as a teachable moment.
For me, that’s cooking!
This is one activity in which you can involve the entire family and really not feel guilty because you will be teaching them something. From how to make their favorite dishes to cleaning and keeping a tidy kitchen when cooking are activities that can prove to be therapeutic and educational.
Another advantage of this approach is that it will give them a positive road map for when they are adults and need to take a break as well. Things like going for a run, going to the park for some me time, walking the dog, and going camping are all habits that your kids pick up from you.
This kind of behavior establishes a habit, and that habit forges them into who they will be as adults.
How to Find Time for Mom Self Care
Now that you know what you need to do to give yourself a little TLC, it’s time to find the time for it. Here are some ways that work for me.
Prioritize Your Self Care
You simply must prioritize your mom self care time. Even if you have to pencil it in as a chore on your calendar, make sure it has a designated time every day.
Ask for It
I know from experience that most moms don’t want to inconvenience others because they either feel like they should be Superwoman or that asking would put someone else at a disadvantage. I can tell you today that you need to ask for it.
Ask for help, ask for time off, and ask for a break. Your family will understand, and so will your boss.
Every Little Bit Goes A Long Way
The mistake most moms make is to assume that mom self care needs to take a whole weekend or an entire week on a cruise ship. While that would be nice, it doesn’t have to be that extra.
In many cases, all you need are a few pockets of breaks throughout the day. For example, like I mentioned before, I make sure that I have at least 10 minutes a day for meditation. That alone can center and carry me through the day.
Mom self care isn’t a luxury; it’s a priority and something that you need to pencil in just as strictly as your business meetings and the kids’ appointments. Hopefully, these tips will help you find your center.